Exactly one year ago from today is the last time I wrote a post for this blog. I had just gotten home from my trip overseas to England & Ireland and was inspired to write about my travel experiences. Fast forward one year and my summer looks completely different. I feel like I’m living in some sort of parallel universe with all the craziness happening in our world currently. A lot has happened since over the past 365 days, so here is a quick update!

Last August, I started dating an old friend of mine from high school youth group. Totally unexpected and totally unplanned, but it might be the best thing that ever happened to me. Shout out to my amazing boyfriend, Joseph! This year was my third year teaching and I’m still loving every minute of it. The school is great, my coworkers are great, and the kids are great. We are transitioning into a classical school model next year and I’m beyond excited to see how that will play out. Oh, and we are also in the middle of a pandemic, so that really spiced things up! Due to Covid, I was not able to take my trip overseas this summer as originally planned. Joseph was planning on coming with me and I was really looking forward to sharing something so important to me with someone so dear to me. Such a bummer. However, God has still brought loads of goodness out of my time being quarantined at home. He loves bringing good out of terrible situations. That’s kind of His thing 😉 And because of something that happened while I’ve been stuck in my studio apartment, I became inspired to write this blog post. So let’s get to it!

As my sister and I were talking on the phone one evening, we decided we weren’t going to let this virus keep us from connecting with each other even if there is 4 hours between us. In rebellion, we formed a virtual book club – just the two of us 🙂 We decided to read Time for God by Jacques Philippe and picked a time once a week to video chat one another to discuss the book. It worked out so well because we could be flexible with the time if needed and it gave us the chance to catch up with each other on a regular basis. On top of that, the book was absolutely life-changing and completely altered both of our perspectives on prayer. And now I would like to pass on what I have learned to you. Below are the main takeaways I got from the book. I hope that they give you inspiration for your own prayer lives and most importantly your relationship with God.

 

Prayer is not about Technique. It’s about Grace.

In the beginning chapter of Time for God, Father Philippe states ” the life of prayer is not a technique to be mastered but a grace to be received“. As human beings we tend to cling to our methods of prayer because that is the one element we can control. We want to pray successfully.  However, the point of prayer is not supposed to be about us and what we can accomplish. It is supposed to be about God and what he can accomplish in us. Prayer is not supposed to be focused on doing, but receiving. It’s a gift from God.

“…even though methods or exercises can be helpful in mental prayer, we should not attach too much importance to them, much less imagine that everything depends on them. To do that would mean centering the life of prayer on ourselves instead of God, and that is just the mistake we must avoid”

It’s not bad to want to find a prayer technique that works well for us, but the problem arises when that is all we focus on and we forget about God entirely. We need to give God space to work in us. That is how we truly pray successfully.

 

Having Faith in God’s Presence

Whenever we pray, it is essential that we actually believe God is present with us. This point sounds so simple, but it might have been the most profound message I received from this book.

“In starting to pray, alone, facing God, in our room, or in an oratory before the Blessed Sacrament, we must believe with our whole heart that God is present. Regardless of what we may or may not feel, the preparation we have or haven’t made, how good we are or aren’t at stringing beautiful thoughts together — regardless of our whole inner state — God is there, with us, looking at us, and loving us”.

After pondering over these words and thinking about my own prayer life, I realized that I don’t always believe that God is present with me, especially when I’m at home and not in a church. When I pray, I sometimes feel like I’m writing a letter and sending it to a God that is distant and far away. I don’t always believe that God is actually with me in that very moment. But the fact is, God is always with us and it is He who invites us to come and meet Him. We just have to believe He is there as He promised.

 

Fidelity & Perseverance

One of the most important aspects of prayer is not HOW we do it, but THAT we do it. In order for our prayer life to be fruitful it must be constant. We have to make an effort to pray daily for a set amount of time.

“What matters is not whether our mental prayer is beautiful, or whether it works, or whether it is enriched by deep thoughts and feelings, but whether is is persevering and faithful. Our first concern, if I may put it that way, should be faithfulness in praying, not the quality of our prayer. The quality will come from fidelity.”

After all, our prayer life is not just some spiritual workout, but a relationship with the living God. The more we think about it as a relationship, the more it makes sense that we must put effort into it on a regular basis. We can’t just do it whenever we are in the mood or need guidance. Any close relationship in our lives that doesn’t have a solid foundation of communication is sure to fall apart and not bear much fruit. As stated before, God is always with us ready to converse with us. We have to remain faithful and do our part of coming to Him. If we show up, the Holy Spirit will do the rest.

 

Less Thinking. More Loving.

When we pray to God, it is natural for us to focus a lot of energy on our own thoughts and actions. However, by focusing on those things we miss the point of prayer entirely. St. Teresa of Avila states “In prayer, what counts is not to think a lot but to love a lot“. And before we can truly love, we must first believe that He loves us. His love is what moves us to love, as revealed in 1 John 4:10, “We love because he first loved us“.  Letting ourselves be loved sounds so simple. but let’s be honest, it might be the hardest thing for us to do.

“Often we find it easier to love than to let ourselves be loved. Doing something, giving something, gratifies us and makes us feel useful, but letting ourselves be loved means consenting not to do anything, to be nothing. “

We also have to make sure our perception of God’s love is not based on our own merit. God love for us isn’t based on our performance or what we accomplish.

In the relationship with God our first act of love, one that must remain the basis for every act of love for him, is this: to believe that he loves us, and to let ourselves be loved in our poverty, just as we are, quite apart from any merits or virtues we may possess. With this as the grounding of our relationship with God, the relationship is on sound footing. Otherwise it is distorted by a certain Phariseeism, its center not ultimately occupied by God but by our own selves, our activity, our virtue, or some such thing.

I think entering into prayer knowing that love is not only the aim, but also the foundation could really revolutionize the way we approach our prayer lives. You could simply start your time of prayer by saying “God, I believe in your love for me. Help me to grow in my love for you during our time together.” I think that mindset could truly change everything.

 

These are just a few of the many insights I got while reading this book. I highly recommend you buy the book yourself and give it a read. If not, I hope my words above gave you some encouragement on your own spiritual journey. Feel free to comment below on any insights you may have based on your own prayer experiences or spiritual reading. As always, I would love to hear from you. God Bless ❤  

For teachers, summer is a time of relaxation. A time to recuperate and rest after being hard at work in the trenches during the Battle of the School Year, and trust me, we need the break. Teaching is a taxing job. It truly takes a serious amount of energy and without the breaks we have throughout the year, especially the long one in the summer, I honestly don’t think I would be able to do my job effectively and with the same level of passion. So yeah, I am LOVING my summers and how I can use them to reset and recharge so I can be prepared physically, emotionally, and mentally to take on the next school year.

The past two summers, I have been blessed with opportunities to travel overseas for several weeks. Last summer I went to England (this was my first time out of the USA) and this summer I was able to add Ireland to my list. People talk about catching this “travel bug”, which sounded absolutely ridiculous to me, but after being outside of the country twice now and planning to go again next summer, I realized maybe people are actually on to something…

I am going to side track for a second, but I promise this will all connect the further on you read, so stay with me. I know this blog is named after C.S. Lewis, but I am going to bring up another favorite author of mine who came before Lewis and who’s writings played a role in Lewis’ conversion. His name is Gilbert Keith (G.K.) Chesterton . If you are Catholic, you have problem heard of him through his abundance of Catholic apologetic writings and witty quotes. If you are not Catholic, you might have heard of him through his famous book series about a detective priest named Father Brown. If you haven’t heard of him at all, I just introduced you to one of the best writers of the 20th century. You’re welcome 🙂

Chesterton was a man of many interests and talents, including literature, poetry, philosophy, theology, and art. He reminds me a lot of the infamous “Renaissance Man”. Because of his diverse passions, his writings span a variety of topics, one of them being TRAVEL. I told you it would all connect! When I stumbled upon Chesterton’s writings where he talks about travel I felt a deep connection with what he was saying. He was able to take the indescribable experiences I’ve had and portray them beautifully in such a simple and eloquent manner. Experiences that I had trouble relating to friends, he was able to illustrate with very few sentences. It simultaneously blew my mind and gave me a sense of peace knowing that other people understood what I felt too. Below I am going to unpack (pun intended) two Chesterton quotes that helped me make sense of why the experience of traveling is so life-changing and appealing to so many people, how traveling with the correct mindset makes a huge difference, and why I recommend that you travel at least once, if not more, in your lifetime.

“The whole object of travel is not to set foot on foreign land; it is at last to set foot on one’s own country as a foreign land.” – G.K. Chesterton

Chesterton is often referred to as “The Prince of Paradox” due to the fact that he liked to prove a point by turning it inside out. This first quote is pulled from a short story he wrote titled “The Riddle of the Ivy”, in which he talks about the paradox within traveling. If you read the quote, you can already begin to see the contradictions at play, The story starts out with two men conversing. One man is packing, getting ready to go on a trip, while the other is asking where he is going. The man packing replies that he is going to Battersea. As you read on, you begin to realize that Battersea is where they are at currently and it makes no sense that this man is packing to travel to a place he is already located. The conversation that starts up at this point in the story is super important, so I am going to go ahead and insert it here. Take a look!

“I suppose it is unnecessary to tell you,” said my friend, with an air of intellectual comparison, “that this is Battersea?”

“It is quite unnecessary,” I said, ” and it is spiritually untrue. I cannot see any Battersea here; I cannot see any London or any England. I cannot see that door. I cannot see that chair: because a cloud of sleep and custom has come across my eyes. The only way to get back to them is to go somewhere else; and that is the real object of travel and the real pleasure of holidays. Do you suppose that I go to France in order to see France? Do you suppose that I got to Germany in order to see Germany? I shall enjoy them both; but it is not them that I am seeking. I am seeking Battersea. The whole object of travel is not to set foot on foreign land; it is at last to set foot on one’s own country as foreign land. Now I warn you that this Gladstone bag is compact and heavy, and that if you utter that word ‘paradox’ I shall hurl it at your head. I did not make the world, and I did not make it paradoxical. It is not my fault, it is the truth, that the only way to go to England is to go away from it.”

 

I absolutely love this story, mainly because of Chesterton’s witty banter, but also because after traveling overseas and coming home to the United States I had the same sense of rediscovery the man in the story had as well. After being in a foreign country for so long, what was once foreign became familiar to me and my home country which was once familiar became foreign. It completely switched everything in my life around. The only way for me to go to America was to go away from it, just like Chesterton said. When I came back home from England the first time, it took me a couple weeks to readjust back to my life here. Everything felt so new, like I was living my ordinary life for the very first time. I was seeing everything with fresh eyes. It almost felt like England was my home and America was a whole new world. It was a strange, but life-changing experience for me. One that I will never forget. It gave me a whole new appreciation for the country I live in and the life God has blessed me with. I’m not sure if I would have ever gotten that perspective if it weren’t for traveling. 

“The traveler sees what he sees, the tourist sees what he has come to see. – G.K. Chesterton

This second quote is not from a short story, but from Chesterton’s autobiography, a book he never wanted to write in the first place, but only agreed to after much insistence from family and friends 🙂 The first time I read this quote, I immediately thought back to the group I have traveled overseas with the past two years. Our group’s famous motto is “Travelers not Tourists”. I think Chesterton would wholeheartedly agree. So why is this distinction necessary? Why is being a tourist such a bad thing? Chesterton’s logic was travelers go to places to experience them for what they are, and not what they expect them to be. Travelers don’t bring any “baggage” with them. Tourists, on the other hand, go to places toting along all their preconceived expectations, misconceptions, and prejudices. They already have an image in their mind of what the experience is going to be like, everything is already planned out in their head, and because of that their journey is limited by their own state of mind. Sounds pretty rigid and boring to me. I definitely don’t think Chesterton was against having a general plan when traveling, but he believed that being flexible and open to the present moment was the best way to travel. After being overseas twice now, taking in the countries I visited as they were, and being open to new experiences, I can now say that I am with Chesterton on this one.

For those of you who have never traveled outside the country before, I highly recommend at least doing it once in your life. If you don’t have the means to go outside of the country, just go outside of whatever state you are living in. Get away from what is familiar to you and experience something outside of your normal routine. When you come home, you will be able to see your life with fresh eyes and with a new appreciation. Just make sure when you leave, you go as a traveler and not a tourist! If you enjoyed this post please comment below and share it with your friends. I would love to hear about any travel experiences you’ve had and how they have impacted you. As always, I would love to hear your stories 🙂

 

Blessings from Beyond the Wardrobe,

Nicole 

 

 

This week marks the end of my second year as a teacher. It’s hard to believe I’ve already made it through 2 years of my teaching career and I still haven’t (completely) lost my mind (yet). But in all seriousness, I really do love my job. I couldn’t imagine doing anything else. Trust me, I’ve tried 😉

This past school year was full of a lot of ups and downs for me, with my grandfather passing away, my sister getting married, and the start and end to a romantic relationship. The only thing constant about my life is the craziness. Looking back, this year might have been one of the most difficult I’ve experienced in respect to my personal life and job, but God in his love and mercy always brings goodness out of pain and suffering. Although it definitely wasn’t a “fun” school year to journey through, it was a necessary one. One that taught me invaluable lessons that I most likely would not have learned any other way. So here are the top 3 lessons this teacher learned this school year…

1. It’s OKAY to Ask for Help.

I’m serious. You probably get told this a lot, but actually let it sink into your heart and believe it. You don’t have to do it all on your own. Even if you are in a leadership role where you feel like you have to have it all together. I learned this lesson the hard way. At my school, I am the 8th grade homeroom teacher which means that I am in charge of the 8th grade class trip AND graduation. That may not seem like a lot, but those two things alone nearly wrecked me this year. Those two events take a butt-load of planning and there are so many moving pieces involved. With the class trip, you have to figure out where you are going, when you are going, what hotel you are staying at, what activities we can do that aren’t over the top expensive, appropriate transportation, and don’t forget you have to make the trip educational too. Oh, and once you have that all figured out, you have to come up with a base cost for each student and figure out which students are actually going. And you need chaperones! And don’t even start on the amount of paperwork you have to fill out. Now imagine planning this on your own. Completely solo. On top of doing your regular teaching responsibilities. It seems like a nightmare, doesn’t it? Thankfully, this year another teacher agreed to help me out with the planning and a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. By accepting her help, I was able to lessen my focus on planning the trip and do the part of my job that I actually enjoy – teach! The same thing happened when graduation came around. I had so much on my plate that I absolutely had to ask for help. It got to a point where I needed to be two places at once, and unless I could miraculously bi-locate that wasn’t going to happen. So, I was put in a position where I had to start calling in some favors. In the end, getting other people involved was the best decision I ever made.

I bring this story up, because I have not always accepted help in the past. Having someone else help me with something forces me to release a little bit of control over the outcome and a perfectionist like myself has a really hard time trusting someone else to do it “right”. Asking for help also puts me in a position where I feel inadequate, or not good enough, strong enough, smart enough, etc. But God really got me good this year. It got to the point where I literally had no other choice. I needed help, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to pull of this class trip or graduation otherwise.

2. It’s OKAY to Leave Work at Work

As a teacher, it always seems like my job is never done. There is always something I could be doing: grading papers, planning lessons, responding to emails, the list goes on and on and on… and as I have stated before, I am a perfectionist, especially when it comes to my job. So, even after working a full 7 hours at school and one to two hours after the kids leave, these thoughts would still be running through my head as I went home to my apartment. It got to the point where I felt like the only time I wasn’t thinking about my job was when I was asleep. And if I am being completely honest, I sometimes would think about my work in my sleep too. Not sure if you would consider that a “dream” or a “nightmare”. These re-occurring thoughts that I needed to be working on something were in the back of my mind even when I was hanging out with the man I was dating at the time, as well as when I was out with friends. That’s when I realized I needed to do something. My job was literally taking over my life.

So again, God allowed me to get into a situation where things got so bad that I had no choice but to confront the issue and accept the fact that I had a serious problem. I’m not going to lie to you. Enforcing those work and life boundaries took some time. It took lots of baby steps in the right direction to get to where I am presently. I started out by limiting the days I took work home with me, and even when I did take work home, I limited the amount of time I spent working on it. On the nights I knew I was going to be hanging out with my boyfriend or friends, I planned ahead and made sure I wouldn’t have any work to do that night. When thoughts of work popped up in my head during nights I was trying to relax, I acknowledged them, didn’t get upset with myself, and dismissed them knowing that I could leave the work till tomorrow. There are still some days where I am overwhelmed by thoughts about my job, thinking I could come up with better lesson plans, grade papers quicker, or email parents more updates, but now I know that those thoughts are just thoughts and I simply remind myself that taking time to relax does not make me a bad teacher. In the end, it makes me a better one.

3. It’s OKAY to Have a Bad Day

As I stated at the beginning of this post, this year was a ROUGH one for me. My grandfather passed away in September, somewhat unexpectedly. I started dating someone in August and we broke up the day after Valentine’s Day. The students I taught this year were more challenging than the ones I had last year. My sister got married and I felt like I wasn’t able to connect with her as much anymore. With that being said, there were many days I came into work exhausted and an emotional mess. As a teacher, I always do my best to not let my personal life affect how I interact with my students in my classroom, but this year I realized that expectation might be a little unrealistic. I am a human being after all, not a robot. I have emotions and feelings. I have good days and I have bad days and I dont have to completely hide that from the my students.

Now, I am not saying I should come in and openly discuss every detail of my personal life with my students or that it’s okay for me to get upset with students just because I had a rough morning. NOT AT ALL. But this year made me accept the fact that I will have bad days and there is not much I can do to prevent those. That’s just life. But instead of pretending like I’m great 100% of the time, it’s okay to have an not-so-great day and go easy on myself. In fact, my students will have bad days too, and I would expect them to be honest and kind within themselves as well.

So there it is! My top 3 things I learned this past school year. There are probably way more lessons I learned throughout the year, some that I am more aware of than others, but these three are the ones that really touched my heart the most. I hope they touched your heart as well. Teachers and non-teachers alike, I think these lessons are important for all of us to learn. Please comment below and share this blog post with your friends! Also, feel free to share what lessons you have learned this past “school year”. As always, I would love to hear your stories.

Blessing from Beyond the Wardrobe,

Nicole

P.S- I’m heading off to Ireland & England this summer, so be expecting a travel blog soon!

I want you to take a moment and think about your typical day. From start to finish. From the moment you get out of bed, to the moment you get back into bed. Most everyone will wake up in the morning and instantly be surrounded by their family members. Then they will go to school where they are surrounded by their teachers and classmates. After school, they might have sports practice with their coaches and teammates or other extracurricular activities that involve working with people. They come home to be once again surrounded by their family. And then they go to bed. How many of you can relate to this routine? If you really take the time to reflect, there are very few parts of your day when you are not interacting with other human beings. Have you ever thought about that?

Therefore, it should not be a shock when I tell you that God created us to be in relationships with other people. The minute you enter this world you are surrounded by others. The first thing you ever encounter outside of the womb is another human being. How amazing is that?

God never wanted us to be alone. If you don’t believe me, just take a look at Genesis. When Adam was created and placed in the Garden of Eden, “The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18), and then God formed Eve out of Adam’s rib. That’s straight from Scripture. That is the Word of God.

In fact, we can even find evidence for this idea before Genesis. Before the world was even created. Before anything else existed, God did. And how did He exist? As a trinity. Father. Son. Holy Spirit. Three persons in one. God himself was, is, and will always be a living relationship. That is His nature. So, in Genesis when it says “God created mankind in his own image” (Genesis 1:27), that is evidence that our existence is centered around relationships as well, just like our Creator.

So, what does this mean for us? Well, just like with any gifts God has given us, He wants us to protect them and make use of them in appropriate ways. Looking back at Genesis, God gave Adam and Eve stewardship over everything He created; the plants, the trees, and all the wild animals. He entrusted all of these amazing creations to them. He commanded them to take care of these gifts and manage them in ways that were good and that would ultimately bring the Creator, God Himself, glory.

He wants us to do the same with the relationships he has placed in our lives. He wants us to live them out in ways that are good for us and for others and also in ways that bring Him glory. Now, if you think back to all the people you interact with throughout your day you will realize that relationships come in all different forms. You have your relationships with those older than you: your parents, your teachers, and your coaches. You also have relationships with those your age: your siblings, your classmates, your teammates, and your friends. And there are healthy and unhealthy ways to live out each of these specific relationships. That’s a lot to unpack right there. So, instead of trying to talk about ALL these different relationships, I am just going to focus on ONE. The relationship that I believe has the most impact on you in your current stage of life (as middle school girls). And that relationship is with your peers, specifically the girls your age around you.

Just think about this for a second. On any given weekday you spend around 7 hours at school. 7 HOURS. And that is not even including sports or extracurricular activities. That’s a lot of time. Somedays you spend more time with your peers at school than with your own family. And even when you come home you still have the tools to communicate with your friends on social media and through texting. Arguably, you will spend most of your time and energy on your female friendships, and I think that right there is an important reason to make sure that we are living out these relationships in the way that God intended.

In order to fully understand the way God wanted us to live out these female friendships, I think it is best for me to first point out ways we tend to sabotage them. I am going to talk about four things that tend to either hurt the friendships we already have or prevent us from forming new ones. I call these “friendship-killers”.

Friendship Killer #1 – Comparison

The first friendship-killer I want to talk about is COMPARISON. Comparison is the beginning of a lot of problems we encounter throughout life and is a trap that many fall into quite easily, especially with the rise of social media. How many of you use some form of social media (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc.)? I am going to use Facebook for this example, but it applies to all social media platforms out there. Whenever I am scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed (which is pretty much on a daily basis) it’s hard for me to look at what people are posting and not begin comparing my life to theirs. Have any of you ran into this problem? People post pictures of themselves hanging out with their friends, doing fun activities with their family, or sometimes just upload a bunch of random selfies. While it is not bad for people to post these things, our natural reaction is to compare what they have to what we lack, whether that be certain relationships, physical features, or life experiences.

Social media is just one outlet for us to play this comparison game, but we can compare ourselves to our peers with or without it. In fact, we probably do it everyday without even realizing it.  It’s just a natural tendency we have as human beings. And what does it accomplish? Well, absolutely nothing. It just creates in us feelings of ingratitude for what God has given us with and feelings of jealousy towards others who have what we want. After a while, these feelings of ingratitude and jealousy will begin to weigh on us and affect the way we treat ourselves as well as how we interact with our friends. Imagine this playing out within a friendship. When good things start happening in our friends lives, we might begin to respond negatively out of anger and frustration. Instead of responding in a loving, supportive way we might begin to downplay their successes by making fun of them or treating them like they are not important. However, in reality we wish these things could be happening in our own lives. Is this sounding familiar to anyone?

Friendship Killer #2 – Gossip

The second friendship killer is gossip. This one seems pretty obvious, but you know what’s funny? It’s one of the most common things girls do in middle school! Its also the number one cause of drama between friends. One of the things that human beings are most drawn to are stories and we tend not to care whether they are true or false. When someone starts spreading around scandalous information about someone, we usually just send it on its way to the next open ear, without fact checking or thinking about whether or not what is being say could hurt someone’s reputation or well-being.

It’s pretty easy to see how something like gossip could destroy our friendships, especially if the people we are gossiping about are our friends. If you are spreading false stories about your friend to the people around you, eventually it will come back around to your friend. Imagine how that would feel for a second. Someone that you trust, someone that you confided closely, was spreading lies about you. Lies that cause people to think of you in a negative way. Personally, I would feel devastated. It would be hard for me to be vulnerable and trust that friend again. Once that trust is broken, it is hard to get that friendship back to where it once was. This is the type of stuff that is happening quite frequently among middle school girls and it is destroying friendships and the sense of community in its path.

Friendship Killer #3 – Unforgiveness

The third friendship killer is unforgiveness. Still not completely sure if unforgiveness is a word or not, but you all know what I am trying to get at 🙂  There is this famous saying “unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”. There is so much truth in this statement. Not forgiving others can really take a toll on a person. Being hurt by someone is one thing, but holding onto that hurt and not forgiving the person who offended you? All that does is create bitterness and resentment. The only thing you are accomplishing is poisoning your own heart and soul.

So unforgiveness is definitely not good for us on a personal level, but how exactly does it affect our friendships? Well, that part is actually more obvious. The whole point of not forgiving someone is to get back at them in the only way we know how. By taking control of the situation and trying to take away their peace of mind and heart. In the process of doing so, we are pushing that friend farther away  and putting up a barrier of negative feelings between us. Does any of that sound friendly to you? The longer you hold back forgiveness, the farther the distance and the stronger the negative emotions you will experience.

Friendship Killer #4 – Fear

The last friendship-killer is FEAR. You are probably thinking, “fear of what?”. You can be afraid of a lot of things. But the fear I am talking about, the kind that impacts how we relate to the other girls around us, is the fear of rejection. When we do our best to let down our guard and be our true self around our friends, fear is that little voice that says “They won’t like you anymore once they know the real you”.  For the people who pretend like they have it all together, fear is that little voice that says “Eventually they are going to figure out who you really are, and they won’t like you anymore”. First of all, can you listen to how awful fear sounds? Fear is obviously not from God. Imagine God saying those things to you. It doesn’t seem right, does it? Because those things are not from our Lord.

Now imagine how having these thoughts could affect our interactions with our friends or potential friends. If we are afraid of being rejected, we are not going to be completely vulnerable around our friends. We are only going to show them the parts of ourselves that we think are not at risk of rejection. Which means that our friendships are not going to be very deep and will begin to seem artificial. They are going to be surface-level friendships with no depth. BORING. This fear can also keep us away from forming new friendships. Fear keeps telling us the risk of opening ourselves up to others is not worth it. Fear tells us to keep our true selves hidden away, but that is not what God wanted our friendships to look like.

Take a moment and look back at all these “friendship killers”. Do you see something that they all share? Do you see the theme that I see? They all ISOLATE. Going back to the beginning of this post, I said that God never wanted us to be alone. But the habits and behaviors we are continuing to repeat over and over again are causing the exact opposite of what God intended. They are causing people to draw away from one another instead of towards each other.  The minute you notice a certain habit of yours causing you to isolate yourself or push people away, that’s a good sign that is not the will of God.

So, now that we know the bad habits that affect the way we interact with our female friends, how can we counteract these? What does God really want our relationships with other girls to look like? I think the following “sisterhood builders” can give us a pretty clear idea…

Sisterhood Builder #1 – Recognize & Bring Out Each Other’s Gifts

Instead of comparing ourselves to one another and being jealous about what we don’t have, we should be pointing out the talents and goodness we see in other people and encouraging them to use those gifts. Imagine how different our relationships would be if we did! We waste so much time taking notice of each other differences and reacting negatively to them. So why not switch that around and notice diversity in a healthy way? Recognize that everyone you encounter in your life will be different from you in some aspect, and hey, that’s OK! In fact, that’s a beautiful thing. The world would be so boring if everyone were the same. St. Therese even said “If every tiny flower wanted to be a rose, spring would lose it’s loveliness”. If we are all walking around trying to be someone else then who is going to be us? The world needs us. Our gifts. Our perspective. Our personality. Listen to the wise words of Mother Teresa, “I can do things that you cannot do. You can do things that I cannot do. Together we can do great things.”

Sisterhood Builder #2 – Encourage & Pray for One Another

What we say matters. With just one sentence we can build someone up or tear them down. The old saying “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”, that’s a bunch of L.I.E.S. my friends. Words are way more powerful than most of us realize. I mean, God literally spoke the world into existence. He said “let there be light” and there was light. Words seem pretty darn powerful to me! So, how can we use our words to build up our friendships instead of break them apart? Well, we can start by not spreading lies about each other. God is a God of Truth and we are made in His image and likeness. When we are walking around spreading falsehoods we are going against the way we were created. Instead of lies why not spread truth? Speak highly of one another. Encourage one another. Build each other up. And when we are not busy building up the people around us, why not use our words to pray for each other? Why not talk to God about the other people in our life? Why not tell Jesus how concerned we are about the things happening to the people we encounter daily? More goodness can come from encouragement and prayer than could ever come from spreading false or hurtful information about one another. So, let’s use our words wisely for with great power comes great responsibility (yes, I just quoted Spiderman 🙂 )

Sisterhood Builder #3 – Forgive One Another

Throughout scripture, God commands his people to forgive each other. Colossians 3:13 says, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you”. Why does He tell us to do so? Well, I think it’s more for our sake than the sake of others. It’s hard to build strong relationships when we are weighed down by past hurts or mistakes. It’s hard to move forward and create new friendships when we are stuck in the past. It’s pretty simple, if we don’t forgive we don’t grow. We become stuck in negative feelings of bitterness and resentfulness. Feelings that are hard to shake off until we accept what has happened, forgive the people who hurt us, and move forward. Doesn’t that sound like an awful place to be anyways? Who would want to stay there? Jesus also says that we should forgive each other “seventy times seven times”(Matthew 18:12). Why so many times? Doesn’t that seem a little much? Well, I’m personally glad he said a high number. We are human beings after all. Mistakes are kind of our thing. We mess up on daily basis. If we were never forgiven or if we never forgave others that would be a lot of weight to carry on our hearts, minds, and souls. No thanks! I’ll stick with forgiveness and for peace in our hearts and in our relationships that’s what God wants us to stick with too.

Sisterhood Builder #4 – Be Fearless

This one is a hard one, but it is so important when it comes to building up our friendships. We have to have the courage to open ourselves up to other people. We have to learn how to be vulnerable. One of my favorite C.S. Lewis quotes sheds light on this idea of vulnerability: “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable” (The Four Loves). Now, I am not saying go share every personal detail about yourself to the next stranger you meet. DO NOT DO THAT. That is dangerous! But what I am trying to say is we are going to have to come outside our comfort zones a little bit when we are first meeting and establishing relationships with other people. You can’t build a relationship with someone without “relating” to them first. And how do we relate? By sharing our likes, dislikes, and experiences. By creating fun memories with one another. And if you are one of those naturally outgoing people, then you have a wonderful gift. Use it to help those who are a little more shy and quiet who may have a harder time initiating conversations. Don’t just be friends with the extroverts. We need the introverts in our life too!

To all my fellow girls out there, I hope this blog post encourages you and strengthens you on your own journey. Sisterhood has had such a huge impact on my life and I wouldn’t be the woman I am today without the female friends who have supported me along the way. Please comment below and share this blog post with anyone you think could benefit from it. Also, feel free to to share how sisterhood has impacted your life or any advice you have on how to build stronger female friendship with the ladies in our lives. I would love to hear your perspective and stories.

Blessing from Beyond the Wardrobe,

Nicole

 

 

Before you start wondering…. this blog post is actually not about the iconic American television sitcom I Love Lucy that was produced in the 1950’s. But the title did grab your attention didn’t it? 😉

Although I do adore I Love Lucy (who doesn’t?), the Lucy that I am talking about is from a quite different world. I am going to be talking about Lucy Pevensie, of course! The youngest of the Pevensie children and the first one to find her way beyond the wardrobe into the magical land of Narnia.

If you have not read any of The Chronicles of Narnia books by my dear friend C.S. Lewis, you need to stop what you are doing right now, go find a copy, and get to it. For reals. The series may be widely known as stories for children, but they can be enjoyed no matter what age you are. After all, Lewis said, ” A children’s story that can only be enjoyed by children is not a good children’s story in the slightest.” And if you don’t want to take my word or his word for it, just think about when these books were written (1950’s) and how popular they still are to this day. That’s saying something.

When I first read The Chronicles of Narnia series in college, I felt immediately drawn to the character of Lucy. I found it curious that Lewis chose a young innocent girl to be the first to enter the unknown realm of Narnia. Why would he do such a thing? Wouldn’t it make more sense for him to choose Peter? He is the oldest and most experienced after all. Why not Susan? She is the most practical and mature. Even Edmund seems to be a better choice despite his temper and poor attitude. What was Lewis trying to get at here?

I think the answer can be summed up in two words: childlike faith.

Throughout scripture, the idea of becoming like a child is mentioned several times. Jesus himself even says “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3). I think Lewis illustrates this perfectly through Lucy and her entrance into Narnia.

Out of all the Pevensie children, Lucy has the most childlike qualities, which in the end made her the perfect person to enter the kingdom of Narnia first. When she took her first steps into the snowy wonderland, she embraced it with curiosity and wonder, like a young child experiencing something for the very first time. She was open to meeting new people like Mr. Tumnus and exploring places she had never been before. She didn’t waste time questioning what she was seeing and trusted that what she was seeing was real. She was filled with excitement and joy and upon returning home couldn’t wait to share what she had seen with the others.

Her siblings, on the other hand, reacted in a quite different way. They met the idea of the “fantasy” world behind the wardrobe with skepticism and doubt. When Lucy shared the news, they immediately thought she was joking around and eventually started to think that she could be losing her mind. Susan and Peter were so concerned about the whole ordeal that they even went to talk to the Professor, the man who was taking care of them. It was not until Susan, Peter, and Edmund experienced Narnia with their own eyes, that they finally believed in Lucy.

Now, why in the world am I sharing all this information with you? I mean, Lucy is just a character from a children’s book. She’s not even a real person…so why does all of this even matter?

Well, to be quite honest, I believe that God used the character of Lucy to teach me some important truths that I desperately needed to learn. Truths that have since impacted the way I view my faith, my perspective of the world, and how I live my life. Truths that I would love to share with you to encourage you on your own journeys, just like they have encouraged me on mine. In a way, I feel like the character of Lucy has walked beside me like a dear friend. One of those friends who helps you see the world in a different light. Oh, and did you know that the name “Lucy” means “light”? How fitting, for that is exactly what she has been for me on my journey.

So, now I invite you to come along with me as I recall all that God has revealed to me through the character of a young adventurous girl.

Lucy Lesson #1 – Be Open to New Experiences

One of the character traits that made Lucy stick out from the rest of her siblings was her openness to experiencing new things. You better believe that if Peter, Susan, or Edmund discovered Narnia first that they would not have reacted in nearly the same fashion as their younger sister. Lucy takes the prize on this one.

I truly believe that God wishes for us to try new things and get outside of our comfort zone every once in a while. I’m definitely not saying you should be open to EVERY opportunity that comes your way, because there will be some opportunities that are inherently not good for you. However, I do think God calls us to use our common sense to avoid opportunities that could harm us and be open to ones that can help us grow (He gave us brains people, use ‘em!). Afterall, if Lucy didn’t have that openness about her, she wouldn’t have discovered Narnia. Just imagine all the things you could be missing out on while you close yourself off from experiencing things that are not familiar to you. God could have something amazing waiting for you and you would never know it!

Lucy Lesson #2 – Believe in Yourself (Even When No One Else Does)

This is a tough one. I’m not gonna pretend like this is easy. The minute that Lucy stepped back into the dusty attic, ready to share her discoveries with her siblings, she was met with the cold wall of skepticism. Imagine how hard that must have been for her. Trying to share her story with her loved ones while their words of doubt are creeping into her heart. What a cross to bear! But wow, did Lucy take on that cross so gracefully. Not once did she back down. She held true to herself and never wavered. She knew what she saw and believed in herself even in the face of adversity. Even when the people closest to her questioned her.

Without a doubt, there will be many times in our life when we will be put in situations similar to Lucy’s. There will be times when we feel called to do something or have big “crazy” dreams and when we try to share those ideas with other people there is a possibility that they will not understand us or think we are crazy or impractical (the list goes on and on). What does God desire us to do in those moments? I think he wants us to respond like Lucy did. Stay true to who we are. Know ourselves and the gifts we have been given. Believe in what God is calling us to do and never lose sight of that. Despite what everyone else says. If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it.

Lucy Lesson #3 – Forgive & Forget

This is another hard pill to swallow. Especially when forgiving means forgiving someone who deeply hurt you. Lucy, however, makes this act of charity look like the easiest thing in the world. When Edmund accidently discovers Narnia in an attempt to follow and make fun of Lucy, they return together and are greeted by Susan and Peter. Despite obtaining evidence that Narnia is in fact real and that his sister is not going insane after all, he still chooses to lie and keep that information to himself, which only continues the isolation that Lucy must have been feeling at the time. How rude! Eventually all four of the Pevensie children enter into Narnia together and all the misconceptions are cleared up. Naturally, our human tendency would be to snidely say “I told you so”, but Lucy responds in a more virtuous way. She simply forgives her siblings (even the despicable Edmund) for how they reacted and moves on from the matter. Easier said than done, right?

Forgiving others is not some new way of thinking that Lucy just happened to discover. It is something God commands us to do daily and is mentioned all throughout scripture, in both the Old and New Testament. This idea should not be surprising to us. Except, we are still pretty awful at ACTUALLY doing it (woohoo, go humanity!). Lucy is a perfect example of how forgiveness should actually be lived out, not only because she forgave and moved on, but because she forgave and kept on forgiving throughout the entire book, even when Edmund betrays her once again later on in the story. In the Gospel of Matthew, Peter asks Jesus “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times? Jesus said to him “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-times” (Matthew 18:21-22). WOW. That’s a lot of forgiveness right there and Jesus doesn’t want us to stop there either. He wants us to keep on forgiving without counting the cost, which is exactly what Lucy did.

Lucy Lesson #4- Walk by Faith and Not by Sight

Throughout the Narnia books, there are many moments when Lucy sees something way before her siblings do. Not only is she the first to discover Narnia, but she is also the first one to see Aslan. So, why Lucy? Why could she see things that her siblings couldn’t? What makes her so different? Well, the answer is actually pretty simple. She had faith. Something her siblings largely lacked. It is only after the other three put their trust in Lucy that they begin to see what she sees. So, what can we learn from this in our own lives?

Throughout our journeys there will be times when life just doesn’t make sense. A world behind a wardrobe? Impossible! A talking lion? You have got to be making this up. But Lucy was quick to believe in the impossible. And we are called to do the same. Throughout scripture, Jesus tells us many seemingly “impossible” things. Things that sound absolutely insane. Things that make us think “that is too good to be true”. When we are faced with situations like this, let us respond like Lucy did with complete faith and trust in our Lord. For eventually we will see His promises with our own two eyes. For “eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him” (1 Corinthians 2:9).

Lucy Lesson #5- Be Valiant!

At the end of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, the four Pevensie children are crowned as the Kings and Queens of Narnia and given unique titles that embody their true character. Peter is dubbed King Peter the Magnificent. Susan becomes Queen Susan the Gentle. Edmund is given the name King Edmund the Just. And Lucy is crowned Queen Lucy the Valiant. Wait a second. Valiant? Isn’t valor something typically associated with knights and battle? Doesn’t it mean to show courage and determination? Isn’t that kind of strange to associate with the most compassionate and innocent of the Pevensie children?

Oddly enough, I think we can learn a lot about being brave and standing our ground from Lucy. She is the perfect example of Joshua 1:9 – “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go”. I mean, think about it. She bravely entered into a new world on her own. She didn’t back down when her own siblings refused to believe her. She stood up for what she knew to be true. She even fought in the battle at the end of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. You can’t get more valiant than that!

We will be faced with many battles in our own lives. Times when it will be so much easier just to give into worldly desires. Times when it would be so much simpler to not stand up for what is right. Times when it would be so much more comfortable to just go with the flow. During those moments, let us remember Lucy. How she fought against the evils of this world and refused to back down. How she fought for what was good, true, and beautiful. Let us pray to God for the strength and courage to be valiant during the most difficult moments. Just like Lucy.

These are just a few of the many lessons that we can learn from Lucy that apply to our everyday lives. I hope what I have shared above encourages you and strengthens you on your own journey. Please comment below and share this blog post with anyone you think can benefit from it. Also, feel free to share how the character of Lucy has impacted you personally! I would love to hear your own stories and lessons you have learned from this beloved Queen of Narnia.

Blessings from Beyond the Wardrobe,

Nicole